They Won't Let Me on Survivor
I’ll admit it. Reality TV is my guilty pleasure. I’ve outgrown some of the oldies like the Bachelor and the Real World but I’m still a sucker for the classics like the Biggest Loser and the granddaddy of them all: Survivor.
I have this theory about why they would never let me on Survivor. Being a chiropractor I would come into the game with a massive advantage. The major tools of my trade are my hands which I bring with me wherever I go. I would adjust everybody who wanted an adjustment. While everybody else was building a shelter, I would be assembling an adjusting bench from coconuts, palm fronds and branches. Let’s face it chiropractic adjustments, massage, etc… they feel great. I would be everybody’s favorite guy. The lawyer or the sales clerk’s they usually have on have skills that are worthless in a game where you are trying to get people to like you. Would you really try to get rid of the guy who makes all of the aches and pains go away after a challenge? Would it matter that I ate a little too much food or I told annoying jokes all of the time? I wouldn’t even need an alliance.
My team would always have the advantage because chiropractic improves mental and physical performance. We would be an unstoppable force without injuries and dysfunction. Regardless of the challenge we couldn’t lose. They would have to change the rules of Survivor so that anybody with an uninhibited nervous system could not compete in challenges.
Unfortunately, once the merge occurred and the game becomes every man for himself my advantages begin to play against each other. Do I stop adjusting my competitors as to not give them an advantage over me in challenges? (I can’t adjust myself) Or should I keep adjusting people trying to win their favor using a whole lot of feel good?
What do you think? Should we begin petitioning CBS to test out my theory?